If I ruled the world, I’d introduce a way of teaching kids to deal with real bullies, their own self-abusive emotions and how to cope with high stress levels. The competition in schools is pretty intense these days. Right now children are being hot-housed in preparation for exams. But no one’s asking how much they can take before they burn their little brains out from the pressure. I’d also teach them self-knowledge and a bit about how the brain works. Knowledge is power. They could be graded on self-awareness just as they are academically.
These days we’re always comparing ourselves to one another. We are all interconnected in some way, yet we still feel lonely. It’s a problem. Now, because of social media, we’re all living in extended groups which include models and celebrities. This is why so many kids feel inferior and have low self-esteem because they can never win against those odds.
Empathy is also a big part of this, but I don’t know if you can teach that—in many ways we’re always at war with each other. Our natural state is warmongering because we’re still partly animal (it’s not that hidden most of the time—look around you). So it’s hard to force people to be compassionate. I’d encourage it, but there’s no rulebook.
Read previous "If I ruled the world" articles:
If I ruled the world: Umberto Eco
If I ruled the world: John Browne
It is possible to achieve this through techniques such as cognitive therapy and mindfulness. Mindfulness is simply teaching someone to pay attention to stop themselves getting dragged into endless internal loops of: “I can’t, I’m not good enough, I’m a fraud...” Mindfulness takes down the commentary. It doesn’t eliminate it completely, but it takes that self-imposed stress down. Mindfulness is, in fact, already taught in schools. The kids learn to recognise their stress and then are able to lower their cortisol level which can be the cause of many physical and mental diseases. If a child can learn to regulate and tolerate his emotions, he will do better in life.
Learning mindfulness is a very slow process. I still have days when I’m haunted by obsessive thoughts and get overanxious. Those are part of my nature. But rather than say to myself, “You’re a failure,” using mindfulness helps me to keep that voice at bay.
Before mindfulness, people had ways to make themselves feel safer and less isolated. There was the church, the community or family support with some wise old grandmother around to dole out wisdom. Now, we don’t seem to have those kind of accoutrements.
These techniques can be helpful at work as well. When people think they’re debating something in a meeting and it’s getting heated, they should remember that memory is the first thing to fail when you’re under intense stress. You’re not going to get any creative thoughts, let alone any normal ones. Rather than get angry it would be better to hold up a white flag and say: “Can we have this meeting in five minutes?” I think a lot of time and energy would be saved—as well as a few heart attacks. That doesn’t mean you should always be calm because you would turn into a vegetable, but if you learn to cool your engine you can really push it when you need to get back into the fray.
You have to practise this. You have to be disciplined, like an athlete. You need to recognise when you’re getting stressed and learn to send your focus into your body. The minute you focus in on your self, the ruminating mind quiets down. The more you practise, the more proficient you become at using it. You can’t just wish it away. You can’t say, “be happy.”
I’m about to open walk-in centres for people needing help to cope with stress. Three times a week, the Arts Theatre in London, where I’m performing my new show, is letting me to do walk-in meetings where the public are invited in free. During the sessions they can meet with a team of experts from the mental health charity Sane to get their questions answered and to get help. I’ll just be serving cookies and tea. After my show closes on 13th February, I’ll be piloting walk-in centres across the country with Marks & Spencer, as part of their programme Spark Something Good. Wish me luck. We’ll all need it. Ruby Wax’s “A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled,” is published by Penguin
