Ask Nick

The House of Commons was verging on empty today. Perhaps three quarters of the benches were left unwarmed by Parliamentary "seats". Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister, arrived and subjected himself to questions from the House, the first of which was from Paul Blomfield (Sheffield C).

Why is it, asked Blomfield, that the Liberal Democrats cannot grasp the odiousness of the Lobbying Bill? The question was somewhat to the point. When the Bill was first debated in the House, the reaction was poor. Clegg reminded the questioner why the Bill had been created in the first place: the problem of "big money in British politics," needs to be addressed, he insisted. As an example of the hole into which political money could lead a country, he invited Members to "look across the Atlantic at the United States," where the combination of capital and the Capitol has resulted in the political equivalent of a near-death experience.

Clegg acknowledged the worrying suggestion that charities might be unintentionally caught up in the Lobbying Bill—they, after all, can have political aims. But Clegg assured the House that nothing would stop, say, the Green Alliance or Make Poverty History, from going about their honourable business uninterrupted. There were further questions on the Lobbying Bill, several of them evidently planted, which allowed the Deputy Prime Minister to sound off about the Unions, the unseen string-pullers of the Labour movement, which fund their preferred candidates and distort elections with often super-sized donations.

One of the more memorable moments of the session occurred when Andrew Selous (SW Bedfordshire) noted that Returning Officers were among the highest paid public servants, often earning hundreds of thousands of pounds and bonuses to boot. Was anything being done about it? It was an ordinary question that raised an extraordinary point—do Returning Officers get paid more than the Prime Minister? Certainly, General Elections must be a pretty hot time for ROs—but what about the years in between? The DPM answered by saying the previous Labour government had been responsible for jacking up salaries.

More questions about party funding brought this session to a close—but it was immediately followed by "Topical Questions to the Prime Minister,". This second chapter of Clegg's questions should have been called "Tales of the Bedroom Tax". Harriet Harman, the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, asked whether there were enough homes to accommodate those who would be forced out of their present properties by the bedroom tax. Clegg answered saying that the Government was providing money to help people who would be adversely affected. He added that there would be "hard cash for hard cases," a phrase dreamed up for the sole purpose of adding a dash of rhetorical flair to reports such as this. Harman then told the House that 96 per cent of tenants will not have a smaller home to go to. This was "cruel and unfair," and "he should repeal [the tax] now."

The mood was lightened by two questions from Tory antagonists. Dominic Raab, (Esher and Walton) asked about a report that the Liberal Democrats regarded people who earned around £50,000 a year as “well off” and crying out for a tax hike. "Why," asked Raab, "does he want to clobber the middle classes?" The question was met with a chorus of "oooooh" from the Labour benches, energised by this display of Coalition bickering. Clegg waved it off with a reminder that his party had given a tax cut to lower income earners. There then followed a question from Peter Bone (Wellingborough), who asked about the televised debates that would take place during the 2015 General Election campaign. Would the fourth party participate in such debates, Bone asked the DPM, before adding the kicker, "so that HE would be allowed to speak."

At this, the House collapsed into heaving laughter. For an instant, the spectre of Ukip leader Nigel Farage hovered over the Despatch box, pint in one hand, fag in the other. You could almost hear his throaty chuckle echoing around the chamber.

Clegg's performances are always assured—but this one was more pugnacious than usual. Being goaded by Tory MPs about his party's poor standing in the polls might have helped fire him up—according to YouGov, the Lib Dems are adrift in fourth place. Clegg's appearance today was flecked with anger. But he will need more than irascibility if he is to drag his party up from the murky polling depths in which it now languishes.