May Serrano Fuertes is known as a sologamist matchmaker. She facilitates people in sologamy, a new practice of marriage or commitment to oneself. “Eleven years ago, I promised myself that I would be by my own side, that I would take care of myself and think of myself,” she told the BBC.
Influenced by words describing centuries--old marriage practices, such as bigamy (1325), polygamy (1538) and monogamy (1612), the word sologamy is a recent coinage that combines solo- “by oneself” and -gamy, from the Greek -gamia, “act of marrying”.
The first self-marriage on record was staged in Santa Monica in 1993 when personal manager Linda Baker solemnly swore, in front of seven bridesmaids and 75 friends, to be good to herself and to honour herself in sickness and in health. “It’s about doing things for yourself and not waiting around for someone else to make it happen,” she told the Los Angeles Times.
Understood as an act of intentional self-care and self-love, sologamy would only gain wider popularity in 2003, when Carrie Bradshaw married herself in an episode of Sex in the City. Over the next decade, the Burning Man festival in Nevada offered a tipi where hundreds of women queued up to stand in front of a mirror and declare “I will always be there for you”. As one reveller, Emily Bookstein, remembered of the event: “The most powerful part of our self-marriage experience was watching each woman, one at a time, face a mirror and tell herself the vow of love she'd always wanted to hear.”
Most sologamists are women who want to become brides but not wives. Their ceremonies are typically large, expensive affairs involving all the trappings of a traditional wedding, including a ring, glamorous dress and a honeymoon. In the case in 2022 of Kshama Bindu, a 24-year-old woman from Gujarat in India, it also meant a Hindu ceremony with body art, opulent jewels and cleansing rituals, in what became something of a national stir. Politicians branded her marriage as sacrilegious and an example of wokeness gone too far.
Some celebrities have gone through sologamous phases, such as Adriana Lima, Emma Watson and Britney Spears. Reflecting on her commitment to herself, Spears remarked: “It might seem embarrassing or stupid, but I think it’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever done.”
Not all sologamy ends happily ever after. Eighteen months ago a Brazilian social media influencer, Suellen Carey, told her 400,000 Instagram followers: “I am sologamous. Today I value and love myself, I married myself here in London. This is one of the happiest days of my life.” But she soon found her new married state too lonely. She tried 10 sessions of couples therapy, but in the end her sologamy ended in divorce. “I realised that my sologamous marriage was a process of healing and self-discovery,” she told the Mirror. “Personal growth can lead us in different directions. I’ve decided that now is the time to open my heart to new possibilities, including the chance to find a partner.”
